Friday, May 8, 2020
Enraged with irreversible anger, daddy beat hell out of me with his belt and said “god damn you to hell!” as he beat me. Daddy’s only connection to me for the first 18 years of my life was his belt! Daddy called me vile names and he promised me I would be a failure in adult life because I refused to become a high school football hero for him. Daddy lacked a photo of his eldest child outfitted in a football jersey, because no such photo existed. This fact deeply angered daddy throughout his life. Daddy never beat his daughter with a belt, who was born when daddy was 50 years old, due to maternal fertility issues. Daddy wed momma in April 1955, when momma was 19 and daddy was 34, so he could remove momma from her own harsh and mean-spirited mother in Missouri. Daddy bragged incessantly, abnormally, to his coworkers (those who were foolish to listen) about his daughter’s athletic abilities. Daddy did not brag to his coworkers about his daughter’s lack of a boyfriend. Daddy did not have a photo of his high school-age daughter shown with a high school-age boyfriend, because no such photo existed. Daddy’s daughter was attracted to women, a fact that daddy and momma denied for many years, then tried to obscure from neighbors and from dysfunctional relatives in Texas and Missouri. Daddy was much like a rhetorical chameleon in that he showed one color to neighbors, the public and his coworkers, but behind closed doors, home life was tumultuous and chaotic; daddy and momma perpetrated unpardonable physical and emotional abuses upon their two sons. Daddy’s second-eldest son is in denial of this fact. Daddy’s daughter was not born when these abuses occurred. Daddy never met any of his eldest child’s teachers in grade school. Daddy was embarrassed by his eldest son’s disinterest in competitive team sports. How I regret that daddy inhabited this Earth for 96 years.
